31 May 2012

Somedays You Just Want to Stay In Bed

I do not want anyone thinking that I am not happy with my life choices, or that I hate, or resent Mo, Tree or Martin.  Honestly I do not.
I am sure as a parent, there are days you feel like selling your children on Ebay to the highest bidder, do we think badly of you? No, we understand that there are some days, your kids are the spawn of Satan, and if you could deny any and all knowledge of them, you would.
Today was one of those days.  Actually it didnt start so badly, well it kind of did.  I woke up at 3am, not being able to fall back to sleep, so I watched some tv, read a book, and played on line for awhile.  At 5, Martin woke up and wanted something to eat, so I went ahead and got him his morning meds, and breakfast.  Finally about 7 I fell back to sleep for awhile, and woke up at 9.  They were both still asleep, so I got some housework done, and some phone calls taken care of.  By the time they both woke up around 10:30, I had quite a bit done.
I made egg salad for lunch, and they had it with coleslaw, Mo loved it, I didn't find out til later that Martin didn't..
I went to Kmart and got a few odds and ends, and came home and made some more fruit salad. 
At about 5pm, Martin said he was hungry, that he didn't like the egg salad (but had eaten the coleslaw).  So I told him I would have supper in a little while.  At about 5:45 I took supper into him (it was waffles, scrambled eggs and sausage and fruit salad), he ate all but a bit of the eggs, and fruit salad.  I was sitting in the living room, getting ready to go in and get his plate, when I hear a crash.  I go in there asking him about it, and he says "Oh, I  heard a crash, but I don't know what it is"  I look around, but don't see anything wrong, but I also can't find his dishes.  I check behind his recliner (he sleeps in a recliner instead of a bed).  OMG its a mess back there! Its like looking under your five year olds bed!! I nearly had a heart attack.  His plate from lunch, along with supper, is flipped upside down, so now there is all kinds of eggs and fruit salad on carpeting.  I found his remote control, cell phone, eyeglasses, couple of drinking glasses, blankets and other clothes, sheeesh!!  From now on I am inspecting his room at least once a day!
So I got all that cleaned up, and then at 9:30, I got everyones meds and insulins and whatever else they needed. 
I about had another heart attack, Mo's blood sugar was 323.  I swear up and down she is brittle diabetic (basically someone who all they have to do is smell any kind of food, and their sugar goes haywire).  But doctors just keep telling me she needs to eat healthy, she DOES!
As I said, she was late getting up, so no breakfast, but she had egg salad sandwich, and coleslaw for lunch, then for supper she had two waffles, scrambled eggs (with cheese) two sausage links, and fruit salad.  Then for her 8pm snack she had cottage cheese with fruit salad, and a few cheese puffs.  True the only veggies she got today was the coleslaw, but she isn't much of a veggie eater, its like getting your 3 year old to eat spinach, NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!!
Mo has had three strokes and three (hospital worthy) heart attacks, with smaller attacks where she let the pain go away.  She worries the crap out of me, because she even tells me that she doesn't care about her blood sugar, she is hungry, she will eat.  She is 4'10, and weighs around 180, she always complains about her weight, but refuses to do anything about it.  Not that I am much better, I am 5'0 and 280, so yes, I am just as bad, if not worse.  But I get up, I walk to Kmart, or to where ever else it is I need to go to.  Yes, I sit in front of the computer alot, and yes I don't eat as healthy as I should.  I am fortunate in so far not being diabetic, my mother, and both grandmothers were/are diabetic, so I am sure it will happen, I just don't know when.

I am not trying to control what Martin or Mo do, how they eat, or how they live, I can only control myself.  But I am their caregiver, I am the one who takes them to the doctors, and the doctors look to me to do whats right, I can't do that, if they refuse to do so.  Yes, they are adults, and they will do what they want, but it sure would be alot easier if they cared enough about themselves, to take care of themselves.

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